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C-Suite Academy: Winning over difficult people

I remember having a 1-2-1 with my boss and feeling proud of how well I prepared for that meeting. I knew I was going in with concrete topics I wanted to discuss and solutions to each for a good conversation and enrichment. To my surprise, they said they appreciate my ideas, but told me to only focus on the short term projects and not the long term ones that could make a significant impact. I left the meeting deflated and questioned if I was in the right role or was I doing the right job. I thought my boss was a bit harsh and I couldn’t understand it. I wanted to react, but instead I simply responded with compliance to his request and left the meeting unfulfilled.  

Have you ever felt that way after a meeting? Knowing this can be a challenge for many, I wanted to provide you some insight in how to win over difficult people. 

Check your mindset before evolving new skills to manage difficult people.

The first thing we must do is to check in on yourself and your mindset when it comes to who you “perceive” as being difficult. I suggest you think about a particular situation you’ve encountered and these themes about being perceived as difficult:

  • It’s a gap between your standard of behavior and theirs
  • If you were having a bad day, would you want others to judge you in that moment as the way you are all the time and with everyone?
  • Could there be a reason why they behave that way that is embraced culturally? It may simply be not acceptable in the culture you are familiar with

What does it mean to be perceived as difficult?

Let’s also ground ourselves in what it means to be difficult because these are the items that can trigger you to “react” vs. “respond” and control your interaction with that person.

People are perceived as difficult when: 

  • Micromanaging your work
  •  Come across short – you interpret them as being condescending
  •  Publicly humiliate you
  • Chastise you for sending an email or reaching out to a person in the organization
  • Nit picking about insignificant details in a presentation

So now that we’ve qualified the gap you see in the people and the scenarios for which they show up as difficult, what are some tools you can employ to win over difficult people?

Employ a Framework that assumes the person is good and means well

Starting from a place of assuming the person is just like you and has good intentions. Also know there could be external influences on this person that cause them to behave in a way that could be “survival” in the culture they reside. You can go in with this approach that could improve the outcome of a 1-2-1 with them:

  • Gratitude – thank them for their time, guidance, or feedback. Relate it to a recent issue
  • Acknowledge them – sometimes these individuals are seeking attention and being “loud” or imparting their views is a way that speaks to their value or higher needs. They may not be getting acknowledged by their peers or those higher in leadership. 
  • Discuss the Gap between standards or expectations – this could be behavior, culture or ways of working. Be clear to show your view vs. your bosses view and gain consensus on the gap. Ask probing questions about their view on the gap and ways to close them. Again, it could be they don’t have good skills in communicating gap, so it come across as “difficult”

Try this on a colleague before you try this on the person you perceive as difficult. Once you have the confidence, go in strong expecting the best. The good news is you may come to a higher level of understanding about the person and then you no longer see them as difficult. The even better news is if the person continues their behavior, you’ve at least developed a new skill in having a constructive conversation and you responded with control. This skill can be taken to all parts of your career and personal life. 

So what happened to me and the person I perceived as difficult? I practiced this framework and they no longer picked apart my work. I was gracious to their needs and keep them informed of the work I was doing. They continued to communicate their support for the work I was doing and kindly provided feedback in a way that was constructive vs. destructive in the past. Who knows, I may have taught the other person new ways to communicate! 

Sounds easy? Maybe it is easy, but hard to develop the new skills on your own.? My C-Suite Academy contains content like this and so much more that will help you take control of your career. 

For more information about C-Suite Academy (CSA) dedicated to the aspiring C-Suite leader, simply register to get on the waitlist, email me or connect with me for a quick chat.  I can’t wait to help you be successful and reach your goals!

For more resources, you can listen to The Drop In CEO Podcast or check out my book The CEO’s Compass will help you get on track in days not months.

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Resources

Good Reads

The Trusted Way: A Story About Building a Life and Business of Character Paperback – by Patrick Galvin

I recently interviewed Patrick on my podcast and starting from a place of building trust in relationships can be the foundational skill you need to manage difficult people and conversations. 

Good Music

Touch the Sky – Rise Above (Veigar Margeirsson)

When you are feeling frustrated, an uplifting song that pulls you to a higher level is what this song delivers. I’m feeling overwhelmed and grateful for the work I have now in service to clients and when I feel down, this song and artist lifts me up. I’m strong and I have strong people around me to be successful. I want you to be successful and this is my little gift for you. 

Good Advice 

“You may not be able to change the situation, but you can make decisions

on how to control the situation with the fullest of confidence.”

–Deb Coviello

Listen and subscribe now:

Episode 202: “C-Suite Academy: How to Get Your Boss to Trust You”

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C-Suite Academy: How to Build Trust with Your Manager

I’ve often wondered how trust is earned when it comes to job growth and working independently. We welcome the guidance of those who are trusted with our development. We are excited to learn new skills and show what we’ve learned and demonstrate our value. However, at some point we feel like we have met expectations, yet our work continues to be scrutinized. 

About 5 years ago, I was on a project with my manager to reduce the amount of customer complaints we were receiving. We both had great experiences, but each time we would come together, they would comment on my work and I was never fully aligned with their expectations. With each interaction, seeing it as a learning opportunity, I would ask for clarification on what was expected and I’d go away and work on another part of the project. The same thing would repeat itself because there always seemed to be a bit of information I did not have or understand and my work never quite met standard. It was frustrating and my confidence to provide value kept sinking. I didn’t trust myself and I don’t think the manager trusted me to meet their expectations. 

Do you have a framework to have a conversation to discuss the gap you see?

Try this framework: 

  • Gratitude – always thank them in some fashion – opportunity, meeting with you, helping you to evolve
  • Identify the Outcome of the conversation – these sets expectations at the start
  • Discuss the process in question and the strength first
  • Discuss the process and the gap that detracts from the strength
  • Propose a solution to close the gap or
  • Seek feedback on what would close the gap

You take full control of the conversation!

Having realized there was a disconnect in my boss trusting my work, I arranged for a 1-2-1 to discuss. We soon realized there was a knowledge gap in an area that they assumed I had training. Having realized this gap, they immediately stepped back and filled in the information and context I was missing. Once we took the action to close that gap, I was soon delivering the results they expected. After a short while, they stopped having regular meetings with me and asked that I simply keep them informed. What a relief! 

If this lesson was helpful, but need more support to apply these principles, please consider the C-Suite Academy.

For more information about C-Suite Academy (CSA) dedicated to the aspiring C-Suite leader, simply register to get on the waitlist, email me or connect with me for a quick chat.  I can’t wait to help you be successful and reach your goals!

For more resources, you can listen to The Drop In CEO Podcast or check out my book The CEO’s Compass will help you get on track in days not months. 

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Resources

Good Reads

Climbing The Right Mountain: Navigating the Journey to An Inspired Life

By Tony Martingnettiwho I interviewed recently and his episode will air March 18th on The Drop In CEO Podcast. He has pursued work that fills his soul in coaching people like you to do the work you were meant to do. Even if  you can’t switch jobs or rolls right now, do something on the side that fuels you and someday it can be your life’s pursuit. 

Good Music

Metro Exodus – In The House In A Heartbeat

This song is a little different and has a “James Bond” sound to it. It’s wrought with mystery of the unknown and a little unsettling. I often share these songs with you to share with you how I’m feeling. I’ve recently started a new contract role and feeling a little uneasy and also growing. I’m also launching my C-Suite Academy and while I know it will be successful, until my students say it is a success, it doesn’t matter… yet. So this song is for all of those who are moving forward and while it feels dark or the road less traveled, know that you will come through on the other end better and stronger. 

Good Advice

Sometimes my favorite quotes are the ones that come from my solo episodes. When I’m in flow, I never know what will be said! Enjoy!

“We as a community need to realize the pockets of greatness in our ranks and seek to elevate them.” 

-Deb Coviello

Listen and subscribe now:

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The C-Suite Academy: How to Reclaim Your Confidence

I can still see my mentee in front of me saying, “If I could only gain back my confidence, I can get the job done”. Their eyes were sad, their head was heavy and leaning on their hand and their shoulders were rolled forward. I was taken aback by this experience and the rest of our time together was spent finding the keys to gaining back their confidence. 

How many people reading this feel the same way? We as a community need to realize the pockets of greatness in our ranks and seek to elevate them; simply as part of being part of the human race. 

The causes for losing one’s confidence are numerous, but there is a common thread I see and it’s changing. As children we are fearless and climb, jump and run without fear. We tell stories of far off lands and see colors and shapes as far as the mind will take us. Then as we enter society and the systems seek to mold us into an approved form, we lose our creativity and some confidence along the way. For those that survive the conformity standards of society and continue to see bright colors and shapes are sometimes called out for being different. I’m sad to say that we continue to lose talent and shining stars through this process leaving people feeling unfulfilled and moving through life as a transaction. 

While some will appear successful and be praised and elevated for delivering results these rockstars lose their confidence and fall to the wayside unfortunately. This happens time and time again when the leadership, teams or strategy of companies change and with that change comes a lack of confidence. What worked before no longer works and they see their work no longer having the impact of the past. I could go on and on how I’ve seen this pattern repeat. But as I turn this sad state of our society around, I want you to know that you have the power to change the situation.

When Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz was told she always had the power with her ruby slippers to return to Kansas, so do you have the power to change your situation and regain your confidence. And so did my mentee, who after working with them for 6 months, later emerged into their work environment as a rockstar. The unfortunate situation was that leadership wanted to maintain control as they started to be more visible. The environment got toxic and ultimately my mentee took back control, left the organization and is extremely confident in their new pursuits.

Here are a few key actions for reclaiming your confidence:

  • Know your Strength & Passion and why you are valued
  • Acknowledge the limiting beliefs, but release the narratives in your head as they no longer serve you
  • Seek to understand the other people for their Strength & Passion and pay respect to them. 
  • Keep people informed about your work and engage stakeholders for support
  • Learn how to message your ideas vs sharing information; there is a difference
  • Continually seek feedback – it creates positive and actionable conversations
  • Seek out advocates and mentors to help pull you along. Don’t do it alone
  • Pause & Reflect – evaluate the impact of your actions and what you can change

There could be an hour of conversation on each of these topics, but all of these lessons are taught in my C-Suite Academy and more. I’m opening up my academy very soon and I want everyone who attends to know you can gain back your confidence. You can gain the tools you need to take control of your career and get the promotion or goals you deserve. Don’t let confidence stand in the way. When you can get it back, your results will be limitless. 

For more information about C-Suite Academy (CSA) dedicated to the aspiring C-Suite leader, simply register to get on the waitlist, email me or connect with me for a quick chat.  I can’t wait to help you be successful and reach your goals!

For more resources, you can listen to The Drop In CEO Podcast or check out my book The CEO’s Compass will help you get on track in days not months. 

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Resources

Good Reads

Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow  by Tom Rath. It’s a classic, but as I started at my bookcase, I pulled this one to share with you. I remember reading it and taking the test to discover my strengths. It started to make sense to me when I realized I should not focus on what I was not good at. The results would be marginal at best. But leveraging my strengths  would get me a lot farther. As an example, I’ve been told my voice and how I communicate is both calming and influential. So I spend more time writing, speaking and creating to inspire people. Find your strength and when you focus on that and let the world know, you will inspire others. 

Good Music

Fabrizio Paterlini – Colori

I’m watching the sun rise at 7:28 a.m on 2/9 hoping I can get this copy to my editor in enough time to publish it today (thank you Amanda) and I see a beautiful sunrise with pinks and blues peaking through the branches outside my office window. It’s an uplifting piece of waking moments and slowly easing into a beautiful day. Enjoy!

Good Advice

“Make sure that everything that you’re doing on a day-to-day basis really feeds into that larger plan and that larger goal.”

–Eli Menczer

Listen and subscribe now:

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The C-Suite Academy: How to Manage Your Boss

When you think of model employee traits do you imagine someone who is loyal, obedient, and trustworthy? Someone who listens to and follows instructions? So often we’re taught to be obedient and follow the boss’s lead, but there’s an opportunity to get more out of your relationship with your boss. The truth is, they only know what they know from past experiences. It’s on you as an aspiring C-Suite Leader to take accountability for the outcome of the future and to stay on track with your career.

One of my mentees recently shared with me a question that their boss posed to them. It was during their 1-on-1 where they raised the question about applying for a position. Their boss responded:  “Are you sure you’re ready for that?” And with that, my mentee was taken aback and had to react and justify their position. In my opinion, this was an act of deflection vs. having a constructive conversation. I was saddened to hear my mentee had such a poor experience and this article is dedicated to them with the following tips on “How to Manage Your Boss” and get what you need out of a conversation.

Create a structure around your 1-on-1’s  

Without a compass you are destined to walk around in circles and the same goes for your meetings.  I provide the following framework that you can adjust to suit your needs, but it establishes an expectation for each conversation:

  1. What does your boss need to be successful 
  2. Have priorities changed? 
  3. Personal Development 
  4. Strategic Planning 
  5. Tactical 
  6. Feedback 

It’s a bit of a political game, but you have to make sure at the end of the day you’re meeting your boss’s needs. In some toxic environments, your willingness to help others and extend yourself will be met with adversity and you want to avoid that. In great cultures, your boss will be pleased to see your support.

Change is inevitable so if you had an agenda going in, be ready to adjust your plan while still keeping track of your priorities.

Personal Development

Always start with personal development, because if you don’t you’ll never get to it. This is where you talk about what you’re doing to improve current performance and discuss what needs to be developed to get to the next level. Should your boss be evasive as was with my mentee “Do you think you’re ready,” this is where you can discuss any gaps and actions to close those gaps. You can ask the requirements of the new position. You can ask what they see as the gaps that need to be closed. You can seek guidance on what resources you can use to close the gap; perhaps even shadow someone who has the skills that are missing. You can always get some action out of this conversation so you take control of your growth.

Strategic Planning

I propose we next discuss the larger projects you are on. There is nothing worse than proceeding too far and learning you were not on track. Check in and confirm you are delivering or where you need barriers removed. One more tip; never say things are “fine,” but give three (3) details that demonstrate things are on track. Your boss does not know everything and if they have to report up on the status of a project, you’ve given them the details they need to assure confidence in you and up the ladder.

Tactical

The tactical conversation is about your daily work and interactions to get results on a short term view. So often bosses want to start the conversation there, but only because we’ve not provided them a framework to structure the conversation. It could be this is where they’re most comfortable because they know no better. Always  be prepared with what is working, barriers you’re facing and also solutions you can propose. Never give a boss an option to jump in and solve the issue, but when you come in with your own thoughts, you give them something to respond to vs. react to a problem. 

Feedback

Last, but not least and you’ll hear me talk about this so often, is ask for feedback periodically using qualifying language as to what to Continue, Start or Change. Posing questions in this way will position you for a positive experience and actionable things you can take away… but that’s another lesson for another day.

As for my mentee who I’ve shared this advice with, I am waiting to see if their situation changes. At the end of the day, they at least have a framework for constructive conversions with their boss as well as others.

As for you, I want to see you succeed and I believe these tips will help you to manage your boss. You are the C-Suite leader of tomorrow and I want to see you take control of your career and get promoted.

For more information about C-Suite Academy (CSA) dedicated to the aspiring C-Suite leader, simply register to get on the waitlist, email me or connect with me for a quick chat.  I can’t wait to help you be successful and reach your goals!

For more resources, you can listen to The Drop In CEO Podcast or check out my book The CEO’s Compass will help you get on track in days not months.

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Resources

Good Reads

Your Mid-Career GPS: Four Steps to Figuring Out What’s Next  by John Neral: I recently interviewed John and his work is so aligned to mine; helping Aspiring C-Suite Leaders get their career back on track and get promoted. John is very heart-centric and aligned with the Drop In CEO brand and I look forward to sharing the interview and promoting his book as well. 

Good Music

Future World Music – Aqua Vitae 

This song is for you if you’re going through some changes, both challenging and potentially very exciting. I often share with you how I’m feeling in my business by the songs I spotlight. I’ve started working with a new client and I’m exhilarated by learning about a new industry. I’m also going through a period of feeling uneasy as I’m building a path to serve my client, but also uneasy as to where I can serve and what is off limits. When I serve clients it’s more than a service, it’s for a  lasting impact by elevating people and solving a greater business issue. For now, I’m only being asked to provide a service for which I’m grateful to serve, but sadly I can’t use the full range of my capability. However, as I share in this article, my job is to be in service to my client and ensure they are successful. During the journey, I hope to leave a lasting impact. 

Good Advice

My solo episode from last week is an extension of this post and this is one of the insights I wish to leave with you.

“If your organization is not already having regular one-on-ones between leaders and their people, you can take personal accountability and initiate the conversation, even if it’s not part of the culture.”

-Deborah Coviello

Listen and subscribe now:

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