When you prepare to meet with someone, do you plan for an outcome or are you in the moment? Sometimes having a plan going into a conversation helps to ground you and ensure you get what you need from that interaction. This can avoid frustration for a person who perceives the balance of power may not be in their favor, a plan can be a crutch to get what you want.
On the other hand, being present to simply experience the natural flow of a conversation is also quite powerful. Simply enjoying conversation that volleys back and forth is a great way of connecting with someone and enjoying the time learning about another person. Both of these approaches are good.
As you ponder your approach to networking or conducting business, I have a few tips:
Don’t lecture!
After sharing how we were introduced, a little chit chat about the weather and where we live in the United States, I asked “so tell me more about yourself.” I wish I had never asked that question. The person proceeded to do a whiteboard presentation non-stop for the next 15 minutes sharing their unique thought leadership. It was very interesting, but when they stopped they asked “do you have any questions?”
I was at a crossroads between acknowledging their amazing perspective and reacting to them that I felt lectured. I was so frustrated because they knew nothing about me and what information might be relatable to me personally or my business. It was one-sided and I was put off. However, I took the high road and shared my thoughts and simply asked the question, did they want to learn more about me? I must have caught them off guard and then they realized they had lectured me and back-tracked and asked to learn more about me.
The rest of the time together was me trying to fill in a bit more about who I was and by the end of 30 minutes we had not built a meaningful relationship; simply an exchange of each other’s resume. The only memory of the person I had was talking points and little else.
Don’t let this be you! A conversation is about creating connection and we can only do that by volleying questions back and forth until we find deeper points of conversation. The specifics of what is exchanged is not important. If you want to remember the technical expertise of a person, you can ask for links to their website, social media or copies of their content for later reference.
Do you know of people that are like this that you must interface with and you never seem to get across your points or evolve the relationships? What can you do to break the cycle and create a more meaningful exchange?
If networking is still a challenge for you, I offer a few suggestions:
- Always have some small agenda to know what you need to keep it on track – introduction, points of common interest, learn about them, and ensure you have time to share what you do.
- Learn the art of interrupting. It could be as subtle as saying “I know what you mean” or “I agree with that statement.” Talking over them or finishing a sentence is an easy way to wake up the other person that they’ve been talking to for too long. They soon realize they’ve been talking too long and instantly yield to you and your point.
- Wait until they’re done. Acknowledge them for their information. Share that they’ve used up the time and would be interested in a follow up conversation. They will soon recognize the error of not giving enough time to you to speak. They will often apologize and very quickly agree to giving you equal time and schedule the follow up. If they were not interested in the relationship they may say they’re open to a follow up meeting, but they’ll soon forget. They show their hand that they were not interested in being memorable.
Ask more questions
Conversation should be approximately 50/50 in sharing of information and asking questions of the other person. The more you ask questions, the more the person appreciates you finding them interesting. You have touched on an emotional center and you are creating strong chemistry. Another important technique is to respond to the person about what you liked about what they said and the impact. You may share a quick story about yourself and how it aligns to your situation. Then ask another question to show deep interest.
The pitfall of this approach is it is a balance. There are some people that constantly ask you questions about yourself and after speaking or answering their questions, you’re exhausted and don’t know anything about the other person. Learn the art form of sharing your stories, but then ask them a question to turn the conversation around. Remember this is about seeking connection and you need to understand the other person’s stories, their values and points of similarity and differences. If the person has a hidden agenda, they’ll keep asking you questions. If they’re sincere about the relationship, they’ll start sharing their stories.
Remember, it’s about the bond of connecting with the person that is important. We might forget some details, but I do encourage you to take notes for future reference if you continue to build the relationship. They will appreciate you remembering finer points of their personal life. You become “that guy” or “that gal” that people will say, “you got to meet this person because of something they remember you by.
If you are an aspiring C-Suite Leader who wants to take control of their career, but still finds interactions challenging, I’d love to speak with you. This message is also for the leader of an organization who’s team has not mastered these skills; I can help.
Simply email me or connect with me for a quick chat. I can’t wait to help you be successful and reach your goals!
Resources
Good Reads
The book of Storytelling by Michael Davis Professional speaking is in my wheelhouse and I’m forever refining my craft to connect with people. Michael Davis has been on my podcast and I on his. He has amazing resources including this book that will help you be a more effective speaker and connect with your audience.
Good Music
Juniper by Philip Daniel it’s another light piece that inspires me to think of positive experiences, exchanges with individuals and the possibility of creating value for others. Simply enjoy and think about the feelings it evokes in you.
Good Advice
“Speaking is serving. It’s not about me. I’m the messenger. The most important
thing is the message.”
–Lisa Evans